Hanging out on a double date
With my two friends Skeeter G and Sherry
And their barely legal cousin Molly May
Don't you know that girl is fucking cherry

Happened to be wearing my white pants
I had a fart that turned to shat by chance

Teleporter
Take me far away
I don't want to be here anymore
Teleporter
I shit my pants today
Molly May was laughing on the floor

High as fuck with my friends at the game
The Cleveland Browns and some team that was better
The hot dog girl was slammin' and she thought I was too
I bet onе of my buddies I could get her

Four minutеs and she's sucking on my dong
I look up and we're on the Jumbotron

Teleporter
Take me far away
I don't want to be here anymore
Teleporter
They saw my dick today
On top of that
The Browns still didn't score!

Seventeen back in '63
Mom and dad at dinner in the valley
No magazines
Jacked off anyway
To family album shots of my aunt sally

Dog was licking jiffy off my sack
I didn't realize my folks were back

Teleporter
Take me far away
I don't want to be here anymore
Teleporter
Everything has changed
Mom won't kiss the dog no more for sure

Get me out of here now, Teleporter