Stephanie Forryan
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Closer Than Before

Stephanie Forryan


I can look back. I can see the tears on my face. I can feel your hand slip away. I can feel the heaviness.
I can see my family. I can see the look in your eyes.

I can feel the hunger, I can smell the beer. I can taste the salt,
I can smell the cigarettes.
I can hear Them mispronounce my name and I see the dust in the air.

And I am closer than before.

I could hear the words - how did I understand?
I gave away my bags to the car with the man. We couldn't find my place, we drove around forever.
I hadn't slept in days.

I can hear the phone ring from downstairs but I can't answer it.
I just sit outside and watch the sunset and the ringing stops.
Ring again. Ring again.
I will the phone and it rings again. Cold plastic to my ear
but it's not the voice I wanted

But I am closer than before
To reaching the end
Oh, God, my feet are sore
From climbing this mountain

I can feel the coolness of the glass that's pressed against my finger tips - closed fists
I can see the clouds in whisps as Boston falls away - the lights becoming distant

I can feel the tears - they're rising now in my eyes to meet the fears
Try - to wipe away before someone sees me

Crying
This fear of heights
Boston isn't bright
Enough

But I am closer than before
To reaching the end
Oh, God, my feet are sore
From climbing this mountain

I can feel the heat, I can see the town.
I can feel the sweat on my back and it's running down as I climb the mountain.
I can feel them crawl. I can see the light on their faces as the night falls.

I can hear the clock tick, I can see the happiness. I tap my foot.
I'm alone at night walking up the path, right. I should have brought a flashlight.
I should have brought a flashlight.

But I am closer than before
To reaching the end
Oh, God, my feet are sore
From climbing this mountain

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