(Heaton/Rotheray)
When you're too old for the swings
You tend to choose the slide
And they never seem to warn you
The slide's your final ride
And when you're at the top of it
And you cannot see the end
Either don't let go son - Or grab the nearest friend
The slide is no respecter of dignity or class
As soon as you sit down on it
That slide has got your ass

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide
Heroes and villains have tried and cried
A broken soul at the bottom lies denied
Don't take the slide, don't take the slide

When the slide was invented
A thousand drinkers sighed
They thought they had the copyright
On the very word the slide
It's a picture of innocence
On which the innocent have fried
Take the helter skelter son
It's easier than the slide
Advice to listening parents
Or the father of the bride
Let them marry anyone
But don't let her take the slide

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide
Heroes and villains have tried and cried
A broken soul at the bottom lies denied
Don't take the slide, don't take the slide

It'll take you much much lower
Than you ever would have asked
'Cause as soon as you sit down on it
The slide has got your ass - It's customers are fools
And every one of them deceased
The long and silver murderer
The devil must have greased

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide
Heroes and villains have tried and cried
A pile of broken souls at the bottom it denied
Don't take the slide, don't take the slide

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide
Heroes and villains have tried and cried
A broken soul at the bottom it denied
Don't take the slide, don't take the slide