My ass is getting me down
People laugh behind their hands when I take it into town
It used to be tough and hard-working and strong
But now it is greying and has long since been long past its prime
But it was such a good ass in its time

Just to rub salt in the wound
My neighbour has an ass that would make Tatanya swoon
It's so broad that it's almost impossible to straddle
He had to get a custom made saddle

I know that envy's a sin
But his ass is so muscular while mine is so thin
I know it's immoral to covet
But just one day with his ass, oh God I would love it!

Oh Lord my saviour
Would you do me a favour
I just want an ass like my neighbour

I want my neighbour's ass
Cos my neighbour has
A real nice ass

My ass was once strong as an ox
People could easily ride it from dawn until dusk
But it never once balked out a plough
It was hardy and handsome but I'm afraid now a disaster
I've had to put my ass out to pasture

I should be happy with the ass that God gave me
To look a gift ass in the mouth is a sin
I really should look on the bright side
It's such a big job breaking a brand new ass in

I know that envy is wrong
But my ass is so pathetic while his is so strong
In the old days my ass brought me kudos and fame
Now my ass just brings me shame

Oh Lord, Lord my saviour
Forgive my behaviour
I can't help but covet the ass of my neighbour