He doesn't have a problem with drugs
He just doesn't get them
He's fine that his mates have tattoos
But he thinks they'll regret them
He likes going to pubs
But he hates it when the music's too loud
He tends not to go to rock concerts
Cos he can't stand the crowds

But all he's ever wanted to be
Is a rock star on Rage or MTV
But he knows that it's not very likely
He's just turned thirty
He knows that he

Will always be
A rock ‘n' roll nerd
He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear
And though they won't be heard
He'll just keep writing

But you see the problem is
He always dreamt of being a star
But he learnt piano instead of guitar
Which, in the nineties, didn't get you very far
So while the other kids were learning Stairway
He was the piano to their forte
But he was convinced one day he'd rock their fucking asses
And be an icon for the disenfranchised masses
And grow his hair long and rebel against the state
But just for now that'd have to wait
Cos he's running late for his morning classes

And he will always be
A rock ‘n' roll nerd
He'll keep playing gigs that no one knows about
And though it sounds absurd
He'll just keep playing

But you see the problem is
There's not much depth in what he's singing
He's a victim of his upper-middle class upbringing
So he can't write about the ‘hood or bling bling
So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead
To try and invoke some angst in his middle class head
But the bitch is always fine
At half past nine
When they go to bed

And he's not spent a single night in prison
He has no issues with nutrition
He has no drinking problem and no drug addiction
Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken
And marijuana always tends to make him cough
He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off
And when he tries to act tough
You can tell he's trickin'

While his mates
All go out late
Poppin' pills and having fun
He goes home and showers
Gets a good eight hours
He gets his thrills from his morning run

And while his mates
All go on dates
Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Beam
He stays home and cooks
Curls up with a book
With a girl he's had since he was seventeen

Cos he's never been part of the scene
While the other kids liked Guns N' Roses, he liked Queen
He's more into Beatles than the Stones
He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones
And he's never owned a Transit van
He's never shot a Pantera fan
He doesn't know the difference between metal and thrash
He couldn't tell you nothing about Axl and Slash
He likes Ben Folds and the Jackson Five
He knows all the words to Staying Alive
And though he wants to be all grungy and cool
He spent eleven years in a private school

So it don't matter how he tries
He cannot hide behind his rock ‘n' roll lies
Because you've either got it or you don't
Yeah you'll either rock it or you won't
Yeah you've either got it or you don't
Yeah you'll either rock it or you won't

He knows that his music lacks depth but it just can't be helped
He has nothing interesting to say so he writes about himself
But he doesn't want to see self-obsessed so he writes in third person
In an attempt to seem more rock ‘n' roll but he suspects it's not working

Deep in he his heart he knows he
Will never be Bono or Bowie
And even if he was quite pretty
And wrote songs like Kiley
He knows that he

Will always be
A rock ‘n' roll nerd
He'll keep writing songs the world don't care about
And though they won't be heard
He'll just keep writing
You can criticise him
But he won't care
Cos he wants to rock
And he will never be deterred
But he'll always be a fucked-up, little, try-hard, wannabe rock ‘n' roll nerd